Wife wants promise he won't remarry if she dies
Dear Wayne and Wanda,
My wife and I were talking the other day about what would happen if she died before I do. We have a 7-year-old son. She said she does not want me to remarry if she dies first because she doesn't want our son to have a stepmother.
She wants me to promise that I won't remarry. I can't possibly make that promise nor would I ask her to do that.
We have been married 16 years. The first 10 years or so had its challenges -- as in any marriage. The past six years have been wonderful. We have found a nice balance and are passionately in love more than ever. She is even more attractive and fit than when I met her because she is into extreme sports and healthy eating. She is an extremely nice wife and my guy friends tell me I'm very lucky.
I want lots of sex, but she is holding out until I promise never to remarry. I think she will hold out forever until she gets her answer. She believes a stepmother would not be good for our son, so it's not about jealousy.
I acknowledge there could be issues with stepparents, but my happiness affects our son too. We are at an impasse, but she holds all the cards. I'm about 10 years older, and it's unlikely I will outlive her anyway, especially with her living such a healthy lifestyle.
Rational arguments are not going to change her mind. I feel I'm left with one choice. Should I just lie and make the promise that I'm unlikely to keep unless I die first, just so we can go back to peace and love?
-- Until Death (or Longer) Do Us Part
Wayne says,
After 16 years of marriage, I'm surprised you haven't this figured out: In the classic standoff of No Sex vs. Telling Your Partner What She Wants to Hear, you always tell her what she wants to hear. Always. I mean, come on -- it's sex. You can always get your dignity back.
I also figured that after 16 years of marriage, you would know that successful relationships are built on honesty and compromise. And there's a perfect compromise that you can be completely honest about: You won't remarry while your child is still in the home.
Sure, if the unfortunate were to happen, you would feel incredibly sad and lonely for a very long time because of your loss. Eventually that loneliness could lead to longing for companionship and even physical affection.
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You get to ask the deep questions: Can I live with them in peace? Or must I move? This is what I suggest. Otherwise you are in a frustrating loop. Things are OK, then they yell again and you decide to move, then things calm down and you say no,
You can stop holding your breath for that Vows column announcing the union of longtime companions Bert and Ernie. Despite a recent groundswell to marry off the most enduring duo on "Sesame Street," the show's producers have
You would want her to be happy if you were to die first, right? Tell her that. Also tell her that when your child grows up to be a man, he would want whoever survives to be happy as well. And tell her that no matter whom you marry or when,
So say you quit drinking and try to live a quiet, orderly life. All those instincts and drives are still there. Your fiancée still likes to go out and party just like she did before you quit drinking. Obviously each of you has needs that are not being
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All of us should be able to look to our family for support. You may not have them for support though if they don’t exactly approve of your relationship. It can really make things much easier if they showed you two support though.
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If you find that they don’t approve of your partner, you shouldn’t let it affect your relationship too much. It isn’t absolutely necessary that you have your family’s support. if the two of you are in love, then you shouldn’t let anything come between you two. It’s always a good idea to try to bring your family closer together in various ways.
There will be certain differences between you and your partner if you’re of different backgrounds. You should recognize these differences. Make sure that you don’t sweep them under the rug. You have to understand the differences between the two of you in order to understand your partner well.
Even if your family approves of your relationship, there will probably be people that you come into contact with who don’t. It’s best just to ignore these people. Avoid bringing any negativity into your relationship.
Since you have two different cultures, there will be plenty of differences between you two. Certain things that may cause problems if they aren’t accounted for. So they don’t cause any future problems, you should sit down and talk about the differences between you and your partner.
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