Fake Flower Arrangements

It may come as a great surprise to you that a person with as big a mouth as I have could be at a loss for words. But this week’s restaurant has left me utterly bamboozled.

Under normal circumstances, this would be OK, but it is my business to write about restaurants, and not having words to describe an eatery is bad for business. It is probably a bad sign that my first note to myself about the restaurant is “This place is insane.” Anyways, after many an episode of “ No Reservations ,” my loins are girded and I think it is time for us to have a little talk about what it means to be focused. Or rather, unfocused.

Located on Alma Highway, where Pig-N-Pepper was until recently, is the new home of Sephy’s Layers Stop. That’s Sephy’s, not Stephy’s. The first thing you notice when you pull up to the joint is a commercially made sign on the front window bragging about 101 different omelet’s and 30-something different lasagnas. This earns a raised eyebrow, for sure.

Then there’s the décor, which is mostly what I call restaurant black, but it is accented with the brightest colored fake flower arrangements imaginable. (Completely ignore the stripey Christmas present in the corner. Don’t look at it, whatever you do.) Then perhaps you’ll notice the handwritten signs announcing Karaoke every evening on the weekends. There will be prizes. Oh yes, there will be prizes. Pray you are not there when they are checking the equipment because you will not be able to hear yourself think, let alone hear your very freshly minted waitress.

Speaking of the staff, perhaps it is the fact they have just recently opened, or perhaps they have never really worked in food service before, but the service is awkward and slow at best.

Then there’s the menu. It reads more like a novella, actually. The list of food options consists of a neon plastic 3-clasp school folder filled with upwards of 20 pages of choices (remember the number of omelets and lasagnas are just the tip of the iceberg); some items with descriptions, some without. Overall, just the walk from the car to the table and a brief glance at the menu has got your brain so overloaded that making a decision about what to order is nearly impossible. You’ll probably catch yourself being tempted to order by just randomly flipping through the book and where your finger stops is what you will have. I almost wish that the menu had an index and a glossary so I could make heads or tails of it.